I have to admit, I'm screwed.

I smile, you laugh, I look away.
I sigh, you ask me why, I say,
"It's okay and I am just feelin' down."

When our primary light source fails to shine anymore, we just find another source to give us light;
We find another not because we find a replacement for the old one, but because they can provide us what we need, to provide what others have failed to provide.

Every day like today.
Every minute like an hour.
Every nothing like something.

This fear.
It's causing me to keep my distance right from the start,
because I don't want to be distanced in the end.
Trying my best to not hold on to anything because I'm afraid of losing it.

After all these time,
I thought I could stand by myself already.
That was until you came along.
Now I realize I'm just the same as before.
I keep falling over and over again.

Each time I wake up, it just feels like everything just got worse than before.
My thoughts, my future.
All because of mistakes I do not know I'm making.
Somehow, everything seems to be a mistake now.
And with time running out, I am a mistake for what has yet to be done.
What is it that has to be done?
I don't know.
My brain is starting to lose it's focus, to lose it's ability to think anymore.
I can't think.
Everything is just jammed and undigested.

Talk to myself again, all alone, on my own
Walk by the scene again, just to see what people see
Caught in your stubborn hold, and I'm so far from home

So turn the lights on,
Turn the lights on for me
Keep the lights on,
Keep the lights on for me

Lost in your thoughts again, consciously you think of me
Focus your perfect words with a pen you write me in
I can't be reached, so far from here, I need you near

Don't go to sleep

I wait for you, I stay for you.

Tonight is one of those times I regret dozing off.
Waking up just makes me feels very stupid.
My mind is as twisted as ever.

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere.
I don't know what's going on.
There's too much on my mind right now.

Trying to digest what I've just found out,
to sort out my thoughts, clearing the doubts.

Lies you said.
Pretence you've made.
For the sake of someone or for selfish intentions?

I want to do something about it.
But for this once, maybe I should just wait.
Maybe not.
I don't know.
To hesitate or to be hasty?

Different. Somethings are, somethings aren't.

"There are moments when I don't know if it's real,
Or if anybody feels the way I feel."

I could leave anytime.
Just anytime at all.
It's a matter of if I'd want to leave or not.
Nothing is holding me, anchoring me down.

Maybe the things I seek and the things you seek aren't the same.
Maybe they are the same.
But there's so much to risk for this matter.
This fight to keep it invisible and silent is getting harder to do each day.

Obvious to everyone.
Obvious to you, perhaps.
But I'm doing my best to pretend for the sake of certain matters..
So that I don't lose what I have now for something that may never come..
Something I might not even want or need.
Something.. still undecided.

Sleep is for both the body and mind.
My body sleeps as much as it can every night, but my mind?
It is an insomniac.

Trying your best to let go when you actually don't want to at all.

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not,
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop.

As another second passes by,
it feels like death is another inch nearer.

Songs of the past, songs always remembered as long as the memory lasts.

Songs that kept playing in my mind..
Songs that reminds me of times and moments when they're played.
Songs that made up the entire past 3 years of my life.
Starting from the very beginning..

'07
You and I Both-Jason Mraz

I Don't Love You-My Chemical Romance
Signal Fire- Snow Patrol
This Is How I Disappear- My Chemical Romance
I'm Movin' On-Rascal Flatts
Used To-Christ Daughtry
What Hurts the Most-Rascal Flatts

Won't Go Home Without You- Maroon 5

08'
March On- Good Charlotte

Take A Bow-Rihanna
Hate Me-Blue October
Boston-Augustana
Unsaid Things-Mcfly
Truly Madly Deeply-Savage Garden
Romeo and Juliet-The killers

Memory-Sugarcult
Stranger-Secondhand Serenade
Deep and Meaningless-Rooster
Staring At the Sun-Rooster
Yellow-Coldplay
Violet Hill-Coldplay
Angels on the moon-Thriving Ivory
All 'cause of You-The 88

Patience-Take That
My song and...-Younha
River Flows in You-Yiruma
Maybe-Secondhand Serenade.

'09
Stay-Estrella
Mr Curiousity-Jason Mraz
Voice on the Radio-Marie Digby
Lost-Michael Buble
Pretty Boy-M2M
She's the one-Robbie Williams
Your call-Secondhand Serenade
Why-Secondhand Serenade
6 Months-Hey Monday

Never Say Never-The Fray
Goodbye-Secondhand Serenade
Like a knife-Secondhand Serenade
Roadside-Rise Against
Candles-Hey Monday

What If-Coldplay
Broken Strings-James Morrison
It's not supposed to go like that-Rascal Flatts

Plane-Jason Mraz

I remember-Bloc Party
Best I've Ever Had-Vertical Horizon
I try-Lifehouse

Fallin' Apart-All American Rejects
Breakin'-All American Rejects
Another Heart Calls-All American Rejects
Stop Crying Your Heart Out- Oasis
The Middle-Jimmy Eat World
Pieces-Sum41


'10
Am I still the one-Daniel Powter
Run-Amy MacDonald
Wish For Something More-Amy MacDonald
Get Over It-Avril Lavigne
Vanilla Twilight-Owl City

9 Crimes- Damien Rice
You and I, Unfulfilled Feelings- Gundam Seed Destiny
God Knows-Hirano Aya
Lost My Pieces- Hashimoto Yukari
Baik Baik Sayang-Wali Band
Lose you-Pete Yorn

Trust You-Yuna Ito
Life is like a boat-Rie Fu
Liquefy-The Servant
Slipped away- Avril Lavigne
Would you be there- Redwan Ali
Thinking of you-Pete Yorn
All we ever do is say goodbye-John Mayer
Halfway gone-Lifehouse
Don't forget-Demi Lovato
Sitting,waiting,wishing- Jack Johnson
Lie to me- Stacy Wilde
Last Song- All American Rejects

Hey Soul Sister- Train
The Only Exception-Paramore
Hello-Glee Cast
I need you now-Lady Antebellum
Moments-Westlife
We'll be a dream-We the kings
Can't Fight this feeling- Glee Cast
Deeper Conversation- Yuna

Each song has it's own time, forming a part of a memory of what was of the past 3 years.
But the songs that are so important, the songs that are precious, nobody knows.