Today is Benjamin's birthday.
I'm sorry Ben, I didn't wish you last year.
I'm sorry I didn't make it for your funeral, for your memorial, for your birthday last year. I just couldn't make it. I just know you're somewhere.. somewhere I believe to be Tartarus, a place of comfort, waiting just for that day when everyone of us go there and the day where we meet again and meet God. Everything physical of you is gone. What you left behind are just the memories we had.
I knew you since the day I went to Sunday School. You were that weird kid, with bushy eyebrows and spectacles. Same age as me, I always took you as my challenger. You were best student for the class for a few times. We both won a class quiz together once. When you were 8, you almost had an asthma attack in class. In that same year, you showed some of us your stitches of the operation you had to remove your appendix. You could even pull both your legs behind your head. I remember one Sunday Justin and I found you crying. It was our first and last time seeing you cry so badly. When we were 12, we were placed in seperate class because you were the smarter one. For a 12 year old, you had the knowledge I know I could never aquire. You were then ahead of me by one year.
During my only birthday party, which was my 7th Birthday, there were some games going on and one of them was to blow a balloon and the other person has to pop it. You kept complaining about how small I blew my balloons. Yeah, I was afraid of balloons since that time. You attended every event the church organised. The children's camp since we were both 7, the YDP since we were 13, YES and other seminars since we were 15, and various Sunday school activity such as the play of Jacob and his 12 sons, the Old Testament Characters costume competition, the field trips, camp-in-tents, and Sunday School stayover.
We met several times outside Sunday School and Church. The first time was when I was out with that at Jaya Jusco, we met you and your dad there at the children's department. We met a few times when we represented our respective primary schools for English Writing Competition at some chinese school.
When we were both in Youth Bible Class already, you were always 2 seats away from me. If there were questions unanswered, they'd ask Sean. If Sean fails to answer, they'd ask you. You were the brains of the class. The first time you led choruses, the first time you taught in the bible class, the first time you gave your devotion during YES, who could forget all those times? Your ability to speak amazes everyone. Your illustrations were too good to believe.
I used to take you as my challenger. When UPSR came, I'd ask you questions and questions. Hoping to beat you in UPSR. You got only 6A's while I only got 4. You didn't get straight A's, but you were still better than me. I made sure I'd beat you in PMR. As PMR was closing in, you seemed so relaxed. You told me that your grandma promised you a PSP if you had straight A's. PMR came and went. Before the results were out, you were already unconcious. The day the results were out, you were gone. For good. Your cousin told me during your wake that you only had 4A's. Yes, I have beaten you by 2A's. It's the other way around now. Now I have 6A's, you have only 4. So what if I beat you by 2A's? I don't see any point there anymore. You proved to me that to be smart, it's not about getting the A's. Grades don't bring much value in the real life. You were smarter than anyone our age I know of. But you're gone. I was very sure straight A's or not, your grandma would give you the PSP she promised if you would just come back. Everyone wanted you to not go..
I remeber when we attended the church camp in '07. You brought chips and pictionary along. We sat together on the bus. Yeah, the pic of us on the bus sleeping is still around. I just looked retarded. At night when we had our free time, we went over to the next room which was Joan's and Krystle's room. We played pictionary till you fell asleep. It seemed like you wanted to sleep there for good. =) After the jungle trekking, we went to the beach and swam a bit. While we were all swimming, we couldn't forget how funny you sounded when you came up to us, telling us "Have you guys seens my room key? I think so I lost it.."
During 07's YDP, we stayed at different rooms. You were most of the time running about by your own as you always did. On the second day after the games, we didn't see of you anymore. Tze Ren came shouting that someone drowned, a few of us then went to the pool. I was taken aback when I saw it was you they were trying to revive by the pool. When the ambulance finally came and took you away, I went back to the room. Totally speechless. Everyone gathered in the hall and they announced your condition. Klang Youths remained in the hall. Everyone was crying. Even when we knew you weren't gone yet, everyone just broke down. We visited you in your ward on the next night. You were still unconcious, but doctor claimed you were in stable condition. You responded when they plugged your earphones and turned on your favourite songs. We thought you were gonna make it. Your bro quit his job in Singapore just to come visit you. Most of the adults from Klang went there to visit you. When we all arrived home, Justin texted me. You left us at 5p.m. The news spread faster than any wildfire. Alvin, Christine, Kevin, Jonah, and Samuel came all the way from Malacca to Klang just for your wake. those were the toughest times. Your funeral.. your burial.. We ended up not celebrating the new year.
Your empty seat, your presence now no longer there.. Your Loud bass singing. I followed your steps to sing bass. Erny and I took over the vacancy after you left. Each time we sung your favourite hymn "Hallelujah, Praise Jehovah" we remember you. We all missed when you used to to say "Resisting urge to strangle", or "you shall die with the heat of a thousand suns". You'd come up to us randomly and ask us "can I strangle you?". That smirk you'd give everyone. Or your random "what?!?" 's . We don't hear them now. Your Dota tips you'd give everyone. Everyone including Sean and Alvin.
I wonder what it'd be like if you were still here.. We'd be sitting for SPM this year.. we'd be studying and working. We just don't know why you'd have to go so soon. To leave at this age.. you weren't even 16.
Isa 55:8-9"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."
I'd have to agree with Krystle with on this.. We may not understand why God did what He did.. But all we can do is rest assured that it was all part of His plan for us.
In loving Memory of Benjamin.
We just have to wait and see you someday, Ben.
Happy 17th Birthday, Benjamin Tee Chee Keong.
